TAKE OUT INSURANCE AND SAY YES TO EXTENDED WARRANTY – Yes yes, I KNOW you think it will all be fine and nothing will happen/break/get stolen/have red wine poured all over it, but trust me kittens, as they say…’shit happens’. The problem is, said shit will happen when you’re warranty has run out. For like 9 bucks a week you are covered for thousands…so don’t be a muppet and be insured. Otherwise, you will have to type your blog from a very un chic internet cafe instead of the privacy of your own pad. For instance.
DO NOT WATCH ‘THE HILLS’ – Like, I’m like so like totally serious like. I watched it for about 15 minutes and I could literally feel my brain start to crumble like the first cookie in the packet. What the FUCK is that shit?!
DO NOT SPRAY PERFUME ONTO YOUR COSTUME JEWELLERY – It turns it green. Not a good look darling.
IT’S OK TO HAVE YOUR BRA PEEKING THROUGH YOUR CLOTHES IF IT’S A PRETTY COLOUR – Nobody wants a glimpse of your over washed ‘used-to-be-white’ grey tit hammock, OK? A sexy sliver of turquoise strap or lacy pink peeking our the top of your dress is cute. Manky underwear or wearing your bra as a bikini top at festivals is a bit well…well I’m not gonna say it, but it rhymes with ‘Right Mash’. Ya get me?
TRY TO KEEP YOUR PERSONAL PLANS TO YOURSELF UNTIL THEY ARE FINALISED – Otherwise all the little doubters out there get a smug little look on their face. And that will just piss you off. I’ve lived it, trust me.
Don’t make me say I told you so x