WHEN PURCHASING A NEW CAR, TRY TO STEER AWAY FROM THE COLOUR BLACK – It may look sexy to start with, but the bastard shows every conceivable bump, fingerprint and scratch. Ya need stamina for the ebony hue.
IF YOU ARE EVER CHOSEN TO DANCE ON STAGE WITH THE BAND, KEEP THE SKANK MOVES FOR YOUR BOUDOIR – For example, some ho got on stage over the weekend and tried to get her freak on and ended up kicking herself in the face. Hilarious.
DO NOT DRINK AND TEXT – I’ll let ya’ll go through my sent box the morning after. That shit will put you right off.
FROM THE AGE OF 25 YOU WILL NEED TO START APPLYING A NECK CREAM – The neck is added to your hands and the skin around your eyes for the things that give away your age.
VODKA AND VITAMIN WATER OVER ICE IS A GREAT DRINK – It has relatively zero calories, it’s sort of healthy and it’s mighty refreshing. Plus it’s pretty chic…let’s be honest.
IF YOU CAN’T SLEEP, GET YOUR HAND DOWN SOUTH AND INDULGE IN SOME SELF LOVE MAKING – There is not a sleeping tablet that can compare.
Good night and God bless x