FASHION MAGAZINES ARE BOGUS– We are now in 2010. In the 90’s we were told to dump the leggings and shoulder pads because everyone was so repulsed by 1980’s style. Now the same rags are putting it on their front covers. All I’m saying is that you should read these bunches of paper with the proverbial grain of salt. Rock your own steeze. Wear double denim, horizontal stripes and sequins on a Tuesday – if you so please. Those ‘do’s and don’ts’ are for the beige section of the world population who have their creativity locked in a personality birdcage. Let that fly mother fucker out.LONG NAILS ARE NOT IDEAL FOR SELF PLEASURE– Watch what you’re doing with those bad boys.MAKE SURE THE LID IS ON TIGHT ON YOUR WATER BOTTLE BEFORE YOU PUT IT IN YOUR BAG – Otherwise you are in for a truly ‘Fuck My Life’ situaaaay.YOU SHOULD NOT BE ABLE TO FEEL YOUR TAMPON ONCE IT HAS BEEN INSERTED – If you are even marginally aware that you have anything inside your lady box, then fix it. As if the whole event isn’t uncomfortable enough!
IF YOUR FRIEND LOOKS LIKE A DOG’S DINNER IN HER OUTFIT – TELL THE POOR MAMA! – It’s way worse not to PLUS it makes you a pretty shitty person if you don’t. Also, be reasonable here…don’t tell her it’s horrible just because you don’t like it, it should be because it is unflattering i.e. she tried to pour a pint into a half pint glass…you picking up what I’m putting down?
ANAL SEX IS NOT A DRIVE THROUGH MEAL – This is top restaurant, 6 month wait for a booking at $150 a head kinda deal. They are lucky it’s even on the fucking menu.
God. I really need to start taking my own advice x
art by: Motel 7