IF YOU ARE FEELING PARANOID AND SAD, THE WORST THING EVER IS TO GO ON SOCIAL NETWORKS
Oh dear God. Every single status update, tweet or general comment will be about you. Well…at least in your head it will be. You’ll wonder why somebody did or didn’t like your status. You will wonder how the person you haven’t spoken to in 4 years and now lives in Brazil knows about your ‘situation’ when clearly their status update is about you. UNREASONABLE ASSUMPTIONS WILL RUIN YOUR LIFE. Switch off the laptop, put a mindless DVD on and go to bed.
IT SHOULDN’T BE SO HARD
Er….no, not that. I’m talking about relationships here. It really shouldn’t be such a fuck show…unless you’re well…fucking! But having these long God damn drawn out ‘talks’ about where shit is going and giving things ‘6 months’ or won’t live together until you’re ‘ready’ is just ridiculous. How the hell do you know when you’re ready? Someone calls out your ticket number? Choosing a partner is not like family members you know, you actually have a choice in the matter. Consider the percentages of how often you are happy vs sad or content vs angry. It’s not rocket science.
You will pee a lot, but your skin will look like the untouched buttocks of a newborn baby.
Girls like sex! Yup. True story. They’re not even a slut if they do. They also sometimes write about it for a) humor and b) because it’s real life. It does not warrant every Tom, Dickhead and Harry to try and get them to say rude things so they can have a little wank about it later. Got that? Only genuine mature souls need apply.
YOU KNOW WHEN YOU THINK YOU’VE FINISHED YOUR PERIOD?
You probs haven’t so don’t have sex. It will be embarrassing and you know it. The dregs is kinda like the wasps nest you don’t wanna disturb…if you know what I mean? Sorry if this is grossing you out boys, but I’m doing this for YOU.
YOU ARE NOT A BAD PERSON IF YOU CAN’T STAND A CHILD
They will probably grow up to be an asshole of an adult anyway, so maybe put your dislike on lay by if you are really feeling that bad about it. But seriously, some kids need to recognize hey…