BUY JEANS THAT FIT YOU
I swear to God, denim can be to your ass like Wonderbra’s are to your tits. The trick is to find the right fit. If you have a wobbly belly then indulge in some high waisted sexy pants, if you have shapely pins then rock the skinnies but for the love of Joseph, Mary and Jesus DON’T try to squeeze anymore luggage into an already stuffed suitcase. You get my drift sweeties?
IF YOU’RE GOING GREY THEN PUT SOME GARNIER NUTRIESSE ON THAT SHIT
I don’t really care how old you are, yes yes yes you are too YOUNG to be going grey, but the truth of the matter is…you are. Deal with it, then embrace the colour. I am the ripe sexy old age of 28 and I sometimes find a little white sneaky hair in my barnet, the problem is…is that if you pull one of those suckers out then four come to the funeral. I am not at the stage where I need to dye it yet per say but if you are then do it, and trust me, you’ll know when it’s time. Whomever said one should age gracefully were talking out of their ungroomed ass.
DON’T TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM BEFORE HE TELLS YOU
The thing is, men are not like us. They succumb to peer pressure. Half the time when they have uttered those three words to you they haven’t even admitted it to their buddies. I KNOW sometimes you need to bite your tongue so hard you may bite it off to stop yourself from saying it, but trust me, it’s worth it. Because I’m telling ya…bite your tongue now, or it’ll bite you in the ass later.
IF SOMEONE SHOWS EVEN A HINT OF HOMOPHOBIA, RACISM OR ANY OTHER KIND OF ‘ISM’ THEN SHOW THEM THE DOOR
Do not even bother trying to expand the mind of the ignorant, someone once told them that it’s bliss, and they agreed.
It’s good for you. It’s also something that needs to be done on a whim. You’ll never have enough money, and there will never be a perfect time. Do it do it do it. But for Pete’s sake (who is Pete?) DON’T go to any of those tacky Spanish or Greek resorts where you drink in the Red Lion with a bunch of over tanned Brits and order chips with everything. i.e. paella and chips. It’s so far away from being chic it’s scary.
IF YOU HAVE A THOUGHT, WRITE IT DOWN
It might make a totally wonderful blog.